William Thomas

William Thomas is the author of eight books of humour including the story about his cat entitled Malcolm and Me, Life In the Litterbox. You don't have to buy the book, in the end, she got the car, he got the cat.

His book about Jake, The Dog Rules (Damn Near Everything!) enjoyed 49 straight weeks atop The National Post's Canadian Bestseller List simultaneously hitting hit Number One in The Post, The Star, The Globe and McLean's Magazine.

William's new book about his gorgeous little waif named Weggie, The Cat Rules (Everything, Including the Dog!) is the perfect companion to The Dog Rules (Damn Near Everything!). The scourge of the screen door and a hockey player to boot, Weggie's story provides a spirited romp through life along the lake. Hysterics and hijinks surround his handsome but devious companion Weggie, a clever little devil whose antics could cause the Pope to curse.

The Cat Rules

As Garrison Keillor is fond of saying: "Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose."

From William J. Thomas, author of the runaway bestseller The Dog Rules (Damn Near Everything!) , comes the perfect companion: The Cat Rules (Everything Including the Dog!).

Hysterics and hijinks surround his handsome but devious companion Weggie, a clever little devil whose antics could cause the Pope to curse. The scourge of the screen door and a hockey player to boot, Weggie's story provides a spirited romp through life along the lake.

With essential "rules" for successful human/cat cohabitation, including how to name your pet and rules for rookie owners, The Cat Rules (Everything Including the Dog!) is a must-have for anyone who loves (and occasionally scorns) their beloved pet.

Click here to order The Cat Rules


The Dog Rules

This is a hilarious and semi-insane collection of man/dog relationship stories which includes chapters like Dog Evolution - From Darwin to Doggie Bags, Travels With Your Pet and Other Dog Disasters, Walking The Dog - The Great Two-Way Tinkle Tour, Dogs Driving Cars, and Dogs Drinking Beer. (The author is against dogs drinking and driving mainly because they'd always be trying to bump off cats and make it look like an accident.)

"Once the consummate cat lover, I now have a dog, Jake. This is a dog who falls out of bed during a bad dream and then growls because he believes I pushed him. This is a dog that while chasing two squirrels at once, will occasionally crash headlong into a tree. This is a dog who greets people at the door with a pink Easter bunny in his mouth, the one he stole from the kid next door. Jake is a Border Collie. Smartest breed known to man, and unfortunately, I got a dumb one."

The Dog Rules Damn Near Everything go something like this:


Rule #1     The dog never goes in the house. Period.
Rule #2     Unless it's his birthday ... or it's cold ... or it's hot.
Rule #3     Okay the dog can go in the house, but never goes on the furniture
Rule #4     Okay, the dog can go on the old furniture but not the new furniture.
Rule #5     Okay the dog can go on the new furniture until it looks like old furniture then we'll sell all the bloody furniture.
Rule #6     The dog never lseeps on the bed. Period.
Rule #7     Okay, but only on his blanket at the foot of the bed

THE DOG ALWAYS RULES. No matter what.

Click here to order The Dog Rules

Malcolm and Me

Life In The Litterbox

At first, William Thomas never much cared for cats. Then a buck-toothed bag of bones named Malcolm swaggered up the driveway and into his life and the writer had a revelation of religious proportions: first impressions are always right!

This is the story of them setting up house together - a touching tale of a single, highly intelligent master of his own universe who created the system and laid down the rules for peaceful coexistence. Adds the writer: "Oh sure, I broke a few of his rules, but he could never prove anything."

At dawn, Malcolm would stalk Sunset Bay, terrorizing two square miles of semi-wilderness like a raging Bengal tiger. By 10:30 he'd have to come in the house to take a leak. It was never easy being King of the Jungle with weak kidneys.

Here is the witty, endearing, true-life story of a love-hate (mostly love) relationship between author William Thomas and his cat, Malcolm.

Stuck with the cat after his marriage ended (she got the sane cat and a snazzy '76 Cutlass convertible), William discovers Malcolm to be a relentless morning person, a voracious (and sloppy) eater, an absolute neurotic on annual vet day, and a small comfort indeed when the author's octogenarian mother, Marg, moves in for a lengthy "visit".

"In a war that's gone on for twelve years, you could just call me Saddam," says the author.

Click here to order Malcolm and Me

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